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May 10, 2010 / Shalini Ambastha


Out of the versatile NDA lingo learnt from my kid brother, there is one term that describes my current state of mind aptly. It is ‘DWL’, which stands for ‘Disgusted with Life’. I know this is too strong a term to use and things could be far worse but somehow they are pretty bad already to allow the usage.

I feel drained; physically, mentally, emotionally and totally. Professionally, I am stuck at a place that promises to take away my sanity slowly but surely, and morph me in a manner so that I am never going to miss it. I have worked before so I am sure it’s not the sudden transition from a student to a corporate that has caused this. There has to be something seriously wrong here. In fact, I am seriously considering keeping a smelly sock or a rotten shoe near my workstation to keep the bad energies away.

Personally, I am turning into the little rebel that my family never had. Two years in a hostel, living life as per my whims and fancies hasn’t really helped and it’s not too long before my parents would finally ask me either to mend my ways or show me the way out.

Emotionally, I am a complete mess. I am, or at least used to be, a happy person who used to be cackling like an idiot all the time and now though I try hard to smile, all I can manage is a grimace. It seems as if nobody is able to understand me and that shouldn’t be too hard to believe considering I myself am not able to understand as to what is it that I really want.

It is amusing how as children we were always so sure about what we really wanted from life; how we could just keep our finger on one particular thing that was most important to us out of a list of things. And now, as we grow up, all the education and the best of training just end up confusing us all the more. I know of hundreds of things that I can do and do them well; yet I’m unsure of what I really WANT to do.

On my way back from a recent trip to Jaipur, I was really fascinated when I spotted freshly ploughed fields and since then my mind has been constantly cajoling me to give up the corporate life and go become a farmer, back to the simple pleasures of life. So, I think I am going to request my grandparents to let me take care of their fields for a while.

As you must have realised by now, it is in a state of delirium that I write this post and that I am not to be taken too seriously. There is no quitting my job for a while now and I’m sure my grandparents love their fields far too much to hand them over to a maniac like me. Meanwhile, this writing therapy seems to have worked and I feel far better now, or may be its just sleep taking over, numbing my senses slowly…..I don’t know again 🙂



Leave a Comment
  1. Shruti Maheshwari / May 11 2010 4:16 am

    Well written, but let me tell u, its nt ur job, i feel almost the same, sitting idle at home. Rebellious yes, don’t knw what i really WANT, nd yes Im trying to start with gardening these days 😉 May beits just a phase, shall pass soon.
    I hope u get better soon ,nd start cackling again 😀

  2. pensiveharsh / May 11 2010 5:35 am

    I like the part about “growing up… confused”. My state of mind exactly. When you are young, you feel that the opportunities are endless. Getting employed is the wake up call. You find yourself talking more to your Blackberry than to your friends. On the upside you are rich and can drink your own booze (I know you don’t but it’s fun to put it like that)

    Maybe I could own some cattle and grow some crops. I am anyways sick of ignoring FarmVille invitations on Facebook.

    As harsh as the reality is Neha, never lose hope. You’ll plough your own fields one day and your grandparents would be proud.

    Aside: I love the Neha prank, you have provided me jokes for life

  3. Ritika / May 11 2010 5:37 am

    Crazy for sure ….think positive sweets …divert ur mind to something u enjoy at the end of the day ….it will be taking all the negativity for sure…dont be frustrated shout,scream put loud music dance ….it ll help for sure …n yeah write if that helps you ….at the end stay the same happy person we know ….don’t take life seriously ….be sincere not serious ….you ll be lot at peace trust me ….don’t think about work when u r at home ….got it !! take care

  4. pensiveharsh / May 11 2010 5:41 am

    Another thought, could you maybe slightly adjust the acronym. I think it’s got more to do with your job than your life. Could it be ‘DWJ’ – Disgusted with Job?

  5. Bharat / May 21 2010 4:46 am

    This is one thing that most of us go through at one point of time or the other in our professional lives. However, my take, use this opportunity to try and ascertain what suites you best and the experience u gaining right now will equip you better to handle pressure situations and maintain composure in trying situations to say the least.

    In a lighter vein, agar tum sales prof ban jaao magar accha sales prof na bano toh not good. Kisaan bano magar accha kisaan bano and give this prof a twist with ur MBA 😉

    Beautiful writing though, after reading your 3 blogs in a single shot now am eagerly waiting for the next one.

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